Marking time

The whole day has been one big memory. “A month a go today I was…”

  • Checking into the hospital
  • Taking my last bump pic
  • Watching the balloons
  • Waiting for the doctor
  • (And waiting)
  • (And waiting)
  • Getting my first dose
  • Waking up to the first cramps
  • (Waiting for the doctor…)
  • Throwing up dinner
  • Getting my second dose
  • Shift change
  • Meeting dr terrible
  • Begging for the bathtub/shower
  • Attempting the shower

And that’s where I am now. I can’t be in the moment without thinking about what was. I’m sure this will continue over the next two days. Somewhere in there I felt the last kicks. I wish I had written them all down. I didn’t know it would be the last. I’d say I wish I’d treasured them more, but I know I tried. I tried to soak up every last kick. Every last moment of Noah alive.

I miss you Noah.

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