We are back home visiting family. I just want to scream “Talk about Noah!” I’m sure they don’t want to say the wrong thing, but for FFS, it’s not like we forget!!! I’m so over people pretending that this didn’t happen and he didn’t exist. We bring up my pregnancy and get a quick change of subject or *crickets*. I just want to yell, scream, cry, but I don’t want to be the crazy lady. An amazing friend invited me to an event with her tomorrow, and I told her it was probably not a good idea. No one wants the crazy crying lady who only wants to talk about her dead baby. She said fuck it, and maybe I will but I’m not sure.
I have been bouncing all over the loss world. Pinterest, facebook groups, blogs, wherever you turn, it’s there if you look for it.
I saw a link to a KUKD post about your “Public Grieving Cut-Off Date.” It had levels and lengths of time that people would tolerate your grief. When I read it I was so pissed! Two weeks on social media for stillbirth? Only 6 months for really good friends? What sort of crap is that, I thought. Sadly, it seems to have over estimated. Or I over estimated people’s category. In any case it sucks.
That brings me to the Pinterest side of the loss world and these two images/quotes. It’s why it physically hurts not to talk about him. Why I need others to talk about him. I just don’t know how to get there. And if the silence is this bad after only one month, how bad will it be at a year. 5 years. 18 years. Because I won’t forget. But I worry they will.