This will be a long week. They call it the 2ww, but there is no way I wait that long. I’m planning on testing on Tuesday (8DPO) which is also when I started testing with Noah. I got a BFN that day, but a faint BFP the next day. I’m trying not to get my hopes up. I’ve been saying if I get pregnant, not when (and don’t get me started on the “if the baby lives” stuff.). But I’m not doing a very good job of not being hopeful. It doesn’t help that this feels like my best cycle yet.
With Owen we tried for 8 cycles, 2 of them with fertility drugs. I know, 6m was early to start fertility meds. But I had been charting and using OPKs since I went off BC a cycle before TTC, and my cycles were all over the map. Long LP sometimes, short others, and late ovulation. We also pursued fertility treatment earlier because TTC is really hard on my body. I’ve had suspected endometriosis since I was a kid and ended up in huge ER for what turned out to be terrible menstrual cramps several times. I would miss 1-2 days of school every month when I got my period because I literally could not get out of bed or leave my heating pad. It was managed in the end by putting me on birth control that only let me have periods every 3 months, and heavy narcotics when I did. It’s a lot easier to make it through life with being bedridden due to your period 8 times a year rather than 24. But of course to TTC I had to be off BCP, and so the horrific cramps were back. Additionally, in order to TTC I had to go off all my JRA meds 3months before we could try. Which meant I had many more flare ups. Many more days of needing crutches, or being completely unable to manage stairs. And the only way to fix either of honest problems that frequently had me missing work, or unable to function was to either give up TTC, or get pregnant. So we went the fertility drug route early.
When trying to conceive Noah, things weren’t as difficult. I didn’t get my period back until 18m postpartum. We had stopped preventing almost a year before, but I was still breastfeeding a lot, so my fertility had not returned. I was lucky, that my JRA not only went into remission while pregnant (which is pretty common) but also stayed away while I was breastfeeding until my period came back. So we hopped right back into TTC, and I started doing all of my folk remedies again. Pom juice, green tea, bromaline, B6. I hadn’t started TTCing Owen by doing all of these, but I was by the time he was conceived. So I picked them all right back up, and it only took 3 cycles of really actively trying. I don’t know if it was the folk remedies, or my body resetting after Owen’s pregnancy, but we felt incredibly blessed not to have to use fertility meds that time.
This time, I jumped right back into it all again. Folk remedies and OPKs. I don’t temp for my chart, because it is just too hard with a toddler who is still breastfeeding, partially co-sleeping, who doesn’t sleep through the night. But the OPKs have gotten my hopes up. Every other time I’ve done OPKs (12 cycles in all, including this one) I’ve never really gotten a positive. For those of you that don’t know OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) they work a lot like HTPs (home pregnancy tests), except they are positive if the test line is as dark or darker than the control line. Mine never was. It would get almost as dark, and it would consider it good. Particularly because I would have awful ovulation pain that would have my on the couch for several hours not long after. As I said, I also tended to ovulate much later than the “standard” CD14. So I was shocked when this cycle I got what I considered a + on CD16. I had never had a positive that early on a nonmedicated cycle. And then I was shocked again when, the next morning, I got a true positive. My first ever. And then the accompanying ovulation cramps later that night.
So yeah. Earlier ovulation tends to be better, as does having a strong LH surge (measured by the OPK.) And both of mine were better than ever. So it’s hard not to get my hopes up. I’m really afraid of the let down if it doesn’t work.
Plus this is the only cycle for a long time that gives me no chance of being pregnant over Halloween. And given that I’ve failed at that twice, avoiding the possibility altogether sounds like a pretty good idea.