My due date is in 3 days.

I should be preparing for birth, not preparing for more TTC.

More waiting. I can now plan 5 weeks out. It is the most I can ever plan. If thus cycle works, 5 weeks from now I will be too sick to leave the house. If not, then it can plan the next 5 weeks.

It’s hard to live you life in five week increments. My inlaws want to know when is a good time to come visit this summer. If we will visit them next winter. It’s not in the next 5 weeks, so I don’t know.

I wanted to have hope for new life to carry me through this incredibly hard month. Instead, more disappointment. More lost possibilities. More lost time. More waiting.


7 thoughts on “CD1

  1. I am so sorry. I know that feeling all too well. I too have the five week window (didn’t know there were many more out there like me!) I also know how devastating it is to get a negative pregnancy test after losing a baby. It is so much more painful. When we started TTC our rainbow last April I refused to commit to anything because I knew there was a good possibility I would be bed bound. Now, I commit to everything because the idea of pregnancy is so impossible most of the time. I will pray you get your rainbow soon! Don’t give up hope.

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