Today was an incredibly hard day. We went to a birthday party and a housewarming party and they both had triggers everywhere.
Other March babies. Newly announced pregnancies. A “save the date” on the fridge for a wedding on Noah’s 1 year still birthday. And a family with a son O’s age, and a six week old.
All I could think was that should have been us. That should have been us there with our 2.5 yr old and a new baby. And no one there knew. Or if they ever did, they were’t thinking about it. It was almost 6 months ago now. No one thinks about Noah. How he should be here.
Somehow my IF news compounds my grief over losing Noah. It’s all so unfair. IF. Preemie. HG. Loss. It’s all too much. It’s too hard. It’s too much pain. It’s too much loss.
Noah was our miracle baby. With all our IF issues he came with so little intervention. He came so quickly. And then just like that he was gone. And we have to survive and fight. I am so tired of being strong. Why can’t something be easy. Just something.
I’m so tired of trying to hold it together.