6 months

Dear Noah,

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It’s hard to believe it’s been 6 months. 6 months since we were able to hold you, see you, kiss you, touch you. Six months ago was the only day. The day we said hello and good bye.

We are visiting your grandma (the one you got to meet) this weekend. Walking around the hotel I can’t help thinking that people look at us and see a family of three. Not the family of four we are. They don’t see the fact that O misses his little brother and talks about him most days. They don’t see the fact that 6 months ago we drove our youngest, not in a car seat, but in a coffin. Drove him for the first time, the last time, he only time. Drove him to the funeral home where we said our goodbyes. The goodbyes no one should ever have to say.

Easter weekend. There should be two baskets. We should be home, not wanting to make the 8 hour drive with a one month old. Instead we are here. The Easter bunny will bring one basket. But O gets something else too. We wanted to include you. So O also gets a bunny from you.

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It’s a scentsy bunny supporting the March of dimes from Xavier’s Ashes. And it comes with an Easter card from you that say “I miss you.”

We miss you too. 6 months without you. There are days I don’t know how we’ve survived. Staring down the next six months seems impossible, but I know somehow we must, One day at a time. Thinking about the rest of our lives without you seems impossible.

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