As Long as it’s Healthy…

“As long as it’s healthy” is a phrase that makes me cringe.  Because I know it’s not always the case.  And that things can be ok in spite of it.

I wanted to like this article, I did.  It’s by a mom with a child diagnosed during pregnancy with spina bifida.  I’ve made no secret of the fact that when I saw the MFM checking Noah’s spine after coming in and saying “It’s really bad.”  that i started hooping that that was what he meant.  Because that was better than fatal hydrocephalus.

But I also know all conditions come in a range of severity.  And I think that choice is a good thing.  Parents make hard medical decisions for their children.  Whether they are inside or out.  Only you can know what is right for your family.  Only you and your doctors know the specifics of a diagnosis.  And that’s why the choices need to be made there.  With facts.  Not blanket bans.  Because once you start, where does it stop?

Parents who terminate for medical reason don’t love their kids any less than parents who carry to term.  We do the best with what we have.  We love, and we grieve, and no one can know the the specifics of our families.

/end soap box


2 thoughts on “As Long as it’s Healthy…

  1. I always wonder, if it’s “not okay” to “discriminate against people with disabilities” by deciding to terminate a pregnancy in the face of a fatal or poor diagnosis, then why is it okay to say you “just want a healthy baby”?

  2. First, I am deeply sorry for all of the sadness, grief and loss you have weathered this past year.

    Second, thank you for writing this. I know that bargaining – please let our child have this (so he will live) rather than that (which ensures he won’t) – and the sharp pain/hot rage I feel when women flippantly say they want children… as long as they are healthy. Define healthy as a mom. It takes on all kinds of new meanings when you have a history of loss or relationships with disability. It is a challenge to stay compassionate in the face of ignorance. But blessed are the ignorant in this case. I am so sorry you, me, so many parents of lost babies are not so lucky.

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