Tomorrow I will be 32 weeks. I am terrified.
I haven’t talked about it much, but with Owen, I started having contractions at 33w1d and he was born by urgent cesarean at 33w5d. He spent 18 days in the NICU. I had no warning signs a head of time. Just thinking about all of it makes my heart race. I was diagnosed with PTSD from it, and have never really dealt with it. I just moved away from most of my triggers.
But now, being at almost that gestation again, I am terrified. I have been getting progesterone shots weekly since 16w. And I get cervical length checks every other week. This whole time, it has been holding great.
Normal is around 4cm, and they worry around 2cm. At 16w I was at 3.5cm. When I started progesterone shots it slowly went up as my contractions slowed until I was at a whopping 5cm,, where it has stayed.
Until 2 weeks ago. At 30w it was suddenly down to 4.5cm. Still in a really good range, but as the first time it shortened, warning bells went off. I’m not due for another check until next week. But they did a quick abdominal ultrasound measurement at 31w. Not as accurate, but a quick check. It was 3.5cm. Again, still good, but lower again by quite a bit.
I have my next check Tuesday. I’m really afraid it will be shorter again. I’m afraid I am going to end up on bed rest and/or delivering early. I want to make it to 37w. Any spare thoughts you have would be appreciated.
And on the other hand it seems silly to worry about. Even if he came now, at 32w I know that chances are he would be ok. Alive. And isn’t that what we pray for?
Bump and 3d ultrasound picture below