1 year later

quick update: we are still here and everyone is doing fine.  Quick picture at the bottom. 

This month has been harder than I thought.  Easter threw me for a loop.  Last easter, the day before we left for my mom’s I got this.    


(Having some issues, but it should show a positive opk.  If not I’ll fix it later.)  

And it led to a surprise IUI, a BFP, extremely low betas, and eventual loss.   

With the quirk of moving holidays, that surprise IUI was actually a year ago today.  But it was easter weekend that hit me with the tailspin of what ifs and should-have-beens.  

I have Sam.  And he is amazing, and wonderful, and already a better sleeper than his oldest brother is even now.  

But I still miss Noah and all of the babies we’ve lost.  I still cry when I think of them.  And cry even more when people thoughtlessly refer to Sam as our 2nd.  He may be the second child to live, but I still ache for all of our others.  They count too.  



3 thoughts on “1 year later

  1. I really hear you. I’m sorry for your lost little ones. I am also glad and grateful for your sake that Sam is a good sleeper and that all of you are doing well (notwithstanding your aching heart).

  2. I’m so sorry for all of your losses and for the most recent one. They are so, so heartbreaking. I do love that Easter photo and that Sam is such a good sleeper (amazing). Thinking of you.

  3. I understand the need to count your other babies. I count my twins in my head any time someone refers to C being my only. Because it’s not true. But I have also grown okay with the reference as time has gone by, people mean well. They’ll always be with us in spirit and that is the most important thing.

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