Light and Dark. Grief and Joy. We grieve because we love. One picture shows one of our darkest moments and the light and joy we felt when Sam was born safely. And the other the heartache we felt, missing Noah even in our joy.
I recently read back over some things I wrote in the months after Noah was born. My grief was so dark. So raw. I said things like “How can I ever be happy again?” Of course that rawness fades. You do feel happy again. When Sam was born we were of course happy. There was light. But there was grief there too. It’s unexpected. But every happy memory you make is shadowed by the thought that they should be here. When you have a baby after loss, it shows you, in great detail exactly what you missed. What you should have had.
After loss, there is light again. You do smile, you do have happy memories. But the shadow of loss is always there. With light comes dark.
Missing Noah 
Yes. Thank you for sharing your grief and joy. It’s so hard to put words to that complex experience. The gratitude. The grief. The loving in the here and now. The loss and sorrow in looking back. I cannot and would not want to do it myself but I see the appeal of those who choose to try hard to forget in the hopes of putting an end to the shadows. I believe they would forever find me even if I tried that but I could not try. Our lost children are still our babies. Those we wanted whether living or gone.