Captureyourgrief Day 17: Secondary Losses

  It is often said that you didn’t just lose a baby, you lost the toddler, child, teen and adult they would have been.  Their first steps, first word, first day of school.  Graduation, wedding, children they might have had.  And I will think of all of those things when we get to each “he would have…” Kids the age Noah would have been I have already watched have their first words, first steps.  

But we also lost the lives we would have had.  I can not imagine a single aspect of our lives that wouldn’t have been different had he lived.  

Owen plays every week at the park with a little boy just 2.5 months younger than Noah would have been if he had been healthy and made it to term. I get this glimpse of the big brother he could have been to Noah.  

Most kids don’t know or think much about death.  But we talk about death a lot.  He heard me say “oh no” the other day.  Nothing catastrophic had happened.  But his first response? “Who died?”  

I don’t want to go into all the people I might be closer to if Noah hadn’t died.  Whether due to something they said, did, or didn’t, or just because of different beliefs, or circumstances of dates.  I have just as many if not more people that I wouldn’t be as close to without our losses.  Whether we met through loss, or just became closer through the common bond.  

Our whole lives are different.  I can’t even tell you all the ways.  I can’t see all the “what might have been.” But we see glimpses sometimes.  


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