It is often said that you didn’t just lose a baby, you lost the toddler, child, teen and adult they would have been. Their first steps, first word, first day of school. Graduation, wedding, children they might have had. And I will think of all of those things when we get to each “he would have…” Kids the age Noah would have been I have already watched have their first words, first steps.
But we also lost the lives we would have had. I can not imagine a single aspect of our lives that wouldn’t have been different had he lived.
Owen plays every week at the park with a little boy just 2.5 months younger than Noah would have been if he had been healthy and made it to term. I get this glimpse of the big brother he could have been to Noah.
Most kids don’t know or think much about death. But we talk about death a lot. He heard me say “oh no” the other day. Nothing catastrophic had happened. But his first response? “Who died?”
I don’t want to go into all the people I might be closer to if Noah hadn’t died. Whether due to something they said, did, or didn’t, or just because of different beliefs, or circumstances of dates. I have just as many if not more people that I wouldn’t be as close to without our losses. Whether we met through loss, or just became closer through the common bond.
Our whole lives are different. I can’t even tell you all the ways. I can’t see all the “what might have been.” But we see glimpses sometimes.