Due dates

Today isn’t a birthday. Or a death day. It’s a “what might have been.” I know that even if he had been healthy, Noah would almost certainly not have been born on this date. But it is the day of promise. From the moment of two pink lines, this is the day we looked towards.    
I think for most people, a due date isn’t something you remember in years to come. But when things go wrong, you think of all the hopes you had.   

Sam’s due date doesn’t hit me.  But as a preemie Owen’s (11/11/11) does.  And of course Noah’s (3/11/14) does.  

I like the connections.  Owen and Noah’s due dates were both the 11th. Owen was born at 10:33, Noah at 10:19.  I went into labor with both Sam and Noah on a Thursday, and they were each born on a Saturday.  Noah at 10:19, Sam at 9:19.  

What might have been.  My expected pregnancy with Noah and my pregnancy with Sam don’t overlap.  They could both exist.  Not likely, since I would have had to ovulate waaaaaaaaay before I’ve ever gotten a PP period.  But possible.  Enough for me to look around the room at bedtime and imagine a two year old there with my four and one year olds.  

Due dates are a day of promise.  So today, will always be your day Noah.  💗 We miss you.  We love you.  Always.  

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