I am generally very open. About Noah, his loss, the babies we lost after him. My grief. I struggled to think what there was that I don’t usually share. Then I listened to CarlyMarie’s live chat for today and it hit me. Hidden in plain sight. There is something that I don’t share. Or that I only share in person. With those I feel safest with.
It’s hard. But I feel like it needs to remain unspoken. I thank those who have let me share without judgement.
The above is what I am sharing on my personal wall.
For the spaces I feel safe – I am talking about the fact that we terminated for medical reasons. I think for those who read closely, all the pieces are there to put together. The timing, the fact that I have never shared a “no heartbeat” moment. But I can’t say the words. Not in a world where people will vote a ticket with Mike Pence on it. Not when I have reason to fear that a parent could use it against me if I ever go back to teaching. I wish I felt safe being honest everywhere. But I don’t.