Capture Your Grief Day 5: Unspoken

I am generally very open.  About Noah, his loss, the babies we lost after him. My grief.  I struggled to think what there was that I don’t usually share.  Then I listened to CarlyMarie’s live chat for today and it hit me.  Hidden in plain sight.  There is something that I don’t share.  Or that I only share in person.  With those I feel safest with.  

It’s hard.  But I feel like it needs to remain unspoken.  I thank those who have let me share without judgement.

Post-Script

The above is what I am sharing on my personal wall.  

For the spaces I feel safe – I am talking about the fact that we terminated for medical reasons.  I think for those who read closely, all the pieces are there to put together.  The timing, the fact that I have never shared a “no heartbeat” moment.  But I can’t say the words.  Not in a world where people will vote a ticket with Mike Pence on it.  Not when I have reason to fear that a parent could use it against me if I ever go back to teaching.  I wish I felt safe being honest everywhere.  But I don’t.  

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