Author John Green once wrote “it hurt because it mattered.” I think that is the core of empathy.
People can’t fix it, so too often they default to minimizing it. Trying to make it smaller. They tell us to focus on other things. Our living children. Potential future children. Faith in some grand plan. Some reason why our child was too speacial to live.
But none of that helps. Telling us not to grieve doesn’t take away our grief. Sit with us in our grief. Acknowledge our pain. Talk to us about our children without saying “at least.” Honor our loss without comparison.
You can’t take away the hurt. It hurts because they mattered. So please. I know our grief is uncomfortable for everyone. But they mattered. Be aware of what you are saying. In trying to minimize our pain, so often we get the message that they don’t. At least, not as much as whatever you are telling us to focus on instead.