I can’t be grateful for Noah dying. But there are things related to his death that I can be grateful for.
I am grateful that in this day and age the topic of pregnancy and infant loss is less taboo. I know people who lost babies 30 or 60 years ago, and they weren’t allowed to talk about their babies. They weren’t even allowed to see them.
I’m grateful for the technology that allowed us to know what was coming. To talk to other families that had been there. To call NILMDTS for pictures. To buy some items for him. To think about the memories we wanted to make in the short time we were able to hold him.
I’m grateful for the internet to let me connect with communities and other families who have been through this loss, so that we can support each other.
And I’m grateful for friends and family that remember Noah with us. Reading all of the #kindnessfornoah posts really helps us to feel less alone on his birthday. I’m so grateful for everyone who reaches out and remembers with us.
The thing about gratitude is it doesn’t take away pain. I am grateful for all of these things. And so much more in my life. But joy and gratefulness don’t cancel out pain or grief. They sit next to it. They can bring in more love. But they don’t cancel the grief, pain, or love that is already there.