Before and after. Everything changed. We weren’t carefree before. Not with infertility, and prematurity, and HG under our belts. But we had this last little innocence. And then it was gone. There is no more looking at heartbreaking, terrifying stories and thinking “it won’t happen to us.” It can. It did. It could again.
I think I have an easier time discussing the big topics with Owen. Talking about death on a daily basis with a toddler will do that. I worry less about whether a topic is “age appropriate.” You cross the bridge in front of you. You have the conversation in words they can understand and go from there.
I think before I would have been scared to talk to him about death. But now it’s something that he understands and can integrate in so many ways. He was pretending to be a robot earlier today. He told me “We are a family of five robots. But one is out of power.” Blending Noah into his story seamlessly.
I’m not sure where we are all going and who we are becoming. But I am both more anxious now, and more sure. Each child changes you forever, no matter how long the life.