I am not a morning person. Anyone who knows me knows that is an understatement. But once a year I set my alarm, earlier than I need to, to capture the sunrise. I do it for Noah. Once a year, October arrives, and with it, memories of a little boy whose stay was far too short.
This sunrise was grey. It has been raining for days and clouds hover. I am feeling grey – run down, worn out. As fall has started with Kindergarten and preschool, 2 sets of teachers, needs, adjustments, and friends – I wonder. How would I do this with three? What would life look like if he were alive? I can barely keep my head above water with two needs pulling at me. I watch a family with three living boys and think “that should be me” and “could I have done that?”
I’d like to think in another world I am. In another world they all exist. I know there would be enough love to go around.