I know I’ve been absent. But I need to get this out. If anyone is still here, forgive me for only coming here in pain. I’m struggling. With everything in the news, with everything being posted. I have been unfriended by family. I have had people I considered friends tell me (unknowing that it applies […]
Two years old. It’s incredible. I love you so much. My sweet rainbow baby.
There are so many things that Owen and Sam have in common. I often wonder if Noah would have been our outlier, or just like his brothers. Would he have had their blue eyes, their love of music, singing and dancing? Would he have shared their trouble sleeping, eating, their late mobility, and speech […]
The first day of school in our town was last week. Owen started his last year of preschool. If Noah had lived, he would be the same age that Owen was when he started preschool. Owen’s school is incredibly full. There are wait lists for every class but one. The one that Noah […]
Yesterday Owen told Sam that he was “the best brother ever!” It was wonderful, and sweet, and heartbreaking. He never got the chance to play with and snuggle his first brother. I have a million pictures of Owen and Sam. Owen loves getting their picture taken together. This is the only picture we have […]
Just a quick update. Our Rainbow Samuel Benjamin was born at home Saturday morning at 9:19am after a very long labor that started Thursday evening. 7lbs10oz and 20.5in. In love with him, and missing Noah.
My bi-weekly ultrasounds to check the brain and see if this baby will live start a week from today. I am terrified. I am grieving. I am still paralyzed anytime anyone asks me to hold a baby. Anytime I look at a baby. But I am trying. I am trying to not be the paralyzed, […]
Dear Noah, You have a little brother. He’s little, with a lot of fight ahead. Be for now, he is growing in the space that a year ago you occupied. Our hope for him are everything we hoped for you, but didn’t get. Mainly, a long, happy life. I wonder what he looks like. So […]
So we had our first appointment with the high-risk specialist(MFM), and first ultrasound Tuesday. Everything looks good. We could just see the gestational sac, as we expected. But man going over history was hard. Particularly when I checked in, in a room full of hugely pregnant women when they asked me what number pregnancy this […]
“I just have one.” Those words came out of my mouth today and I instantly wanted them back. It happens occasionally. Usually when I have someone assuming that two children that are physically present are both mine and I correct them. But then it always feels wrong. Sure, only one of the two kids you […]