I really thought last cycle would be it. I feel like that is always the case, but more so last cycle. I ovulated earlier than I ever have (didn’t I say that last month?) and it was on the day that I would have been 33w5d with Noah. I know that date doesn’t seem significant, but that was how far I was when O was born. It was the day that I looked towards the whole time I was pregnant with Noah, because that was when my world fell apart the first time. I was so afraid to have another preemie and NICU stay.
So to ovulate on that day felt like a strange coincidence … And then I realized what my due date would be. October 19th. Noah’s birthday. It just seemed like too much of a coincidence. Like it just had to be. I even felt for the first time that with signs like that, that not only would I get pregnant, but the baby would have to be healthy.
And then, I wasn’t pregnant. I became more wary after my fever last week, but part of me still thought it was possible. I know 2 cycles is nothing. 1 cycle with the chemical pregnancy last cycle. But I am so afraid it won’t happen by my due date. I have one more shot. And I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter, but damn it, I feel like I need something good to get me through March.
I realized this week that Noah’s due date is when I would have been 12w if the chemical pregnancy had stuck. Which means anyone with a due date the same as mine would have been for the CP will probably announce their pregnancy the week of Noah’s due date.
Talk about kicking you when you are down.