I really thought last cycle would be it. I feel like that is always the case, but more so last cycle. I ovulated earlier than I ever have (didn’t I say that last month?) and it was on the day that I would have been 33w5d with Noah. I know that date doesn’t seem significant, but that was how far I was when O was born. It was the day that I looked towards the whole time I was pregnant with Noah, because that was when my world fell apart the first time. I was so afraid to have another preemie and NICU stay.

So to ovulate on that day felt like a strange coincidence … And then I realized what my due date would be. October 19th. Noah’s birthday. It just seemed like too much of a coincidence. Like it just had to be. I even felt for the first time that with signs like that, that not only would I get pregnant, but the baby would have to be healthy.

And then, I wasn’t pregnant. I became more wary after my fever last week, but part of me still thought it was possible. I know 2 cycles is nothing. 1 cycle with the chemical pregnancy last cycle. But I am so afraid it won’t happen by my due date. I have one more shot. And I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter, but damn it, I feel like I need something good to get me through March.

I realized this week that Noah’s due date is when I would have been 12w if the chemical pregnancy had stuck. Which means anyone with a due date the same as mine would have been for the CP will probably announce their pregnancy the week of Noah’s due date.

Talk about kicking you when you are down.


6 thoughts on “Cd2

  1. i know what you mean…I thought this cycle would be my time to announce a pregnancy as well. Me and the hubs only BD once this cycle and when I looked back at my calender it was CD 17…which I will post a link to my blog post, but the number 17 is very significant to me. I went ahead and googled when my due date would be if that was when I conceived and it would have been on or around 10-17…ten is also a significant number that I mentioned in “our story”. It all seemed like perfect timing. I haven’t started yet, but ALL signs point to AF being just around the corner. Drats :/

  2. I’m so sorry. 😦 I feel like I’ve always struggled to get pregnant, and it is so hard to deal with and even harder to deal with when everyone around you is announcing pregnancies and you wish you could be too. I used to look for special days tying in to the future, but I don’t anymore because I can’t stand hoping so much. Don’t get me wrong, I think hope is a key ingredient in making a baby, but I am choosing to be surprised when the day finally happens for us to conceive our fourth child. Then I will look for all the fun date connections. I remember looking up potential DDs each month when trying for Silas and still remember the month I was disappointed to not be due on my sister’s birthday. I also didn’t get pregnant before my DD would’ve been with my miscarried baby. It was 11 months after that date that I finally conceived. A difficult wait for sure. I hope you get good news soon. I hope we do, too. I just want to be expecting joy in our future.

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