Two and a half years

April 19, 2016 by Missing Noah

Yesterday Owen told Sam that he was “the best brother ever!” It was wonderful, and sweet, and heartbreaking. He never got the chance to play with and snuggle his first brother. I have a million pictures of Owen and Sam. Owen loves getting their picture taken together. This is the only picture we have […]

I am trying

September 10, 2014 by Missing Noah

My bi-weekly ultrasounds to check the brain and see if this baby will live start a week from today. I am terrified. I am grieving. I am still paralyzed anytime anyone asks me to hold a baby. Anytime I look at a baby. But I am trying. I am trying to not be the paralyzed, […]

5 months

March 20, 2014 by Missing Noah

Dear Noah, It’s been 5 months. The first month date since your due date last week. It amazes me how much time has gone by. O is trying so hard to understand. He wants to know where you are and why you aren’t here. So do I. It makes no sense that you aren’t here. […]

Three Months

January 20, 2014 by Missing Noah

Dear Noah, Today is 3 months since your stillbirthday. I still miss you and think about you every day. It seems impossible that a quarter of a year has gone by without you. A month from today you will have been gone as long as you were alive. It seems crazy. Impossible. I get flashes. […]

Marking time

November 18, 2013 by Missing Noah

The whole day has been one big memory. “A month a go today I was…” Checking into the hospital Taking my last bump pic Watching the balloons Waiting for the doctor (And waiting) (And waiting) Getting my first dose Waking up to the first cramps (Waiting for the doctor…) Throwing up dinner Getting my second […]

Last night at home.

November 17, 2013 by Missing Noah

One month ago today was our last night at home. It was devastating, knowing that I would leave in the morning with you, and come home without you. I just wanted every second to last. I wanted so much to feel you kick. That I could wish this all away. Birth is supposed to be […]