0 DPO

December 31, 2013 by Missing Noah

Dear Noah, This is it. Ovulation day. As of now we could be on our way to you having a little brother or sister. It seems strange for the same reason it seems right. I should be pregnant right now, and therefore, being pregnant would be right. But I should be pregnant with you right […]

Surviving Christmas

December 26, 2013 by Missing Noah

Well, we did it. We survived Christmas. For me the build-up was worse than the day itself. I think it helped that it was just the 3 of us. No forced cheer, just very laid back and honest. I could be present in the moment with my family and enjoy Owen opening his presents, […]

Days like this

December 22, 2013 by Missing Noah

Some days hurt more than others. Some moments. I can’t even tell you why. I’ll be functioning all day, and then start crying. And once it starts like that, it is so hard to stop. Suddenly I’m crying in the car, in the grocery store checkout. No real trigger, just suddenly it hurts so much […]

I’m not ok

December 12, 2013 by Missing Noah

The closer we get to Christmas, the more broken I feel. I feel on edge all the time. Exhausted. On the verge of tears at least half the day. I don’t know what it is. We’re not even a big “Christmas” family. Dan’s pretty agnostic, I identify as Jewish, but we both grew up with […]

Should have beens

December 2, 2013 by Missing Noah

Dear Noah, It’s is one of our last nights visiting family and friends for Thanksgiving. It’s exhausting being here. Having my grief on display 24 hours a day. Part of me can’t wait to go home to you. I know you aren’t really there, but your ashes are and it’s hard to be away. It’s […]

To speak or not to speak

November 30, 2013 by Missing Noah

This trip I’ve had to deal with a lot of people who are clearly uncomfortable discussing Noah and his death. I know I wrote about it in “The Elephant in the Room.” That was probably the hardest day since we’ve been here. Since then we’ve seen more people willing to talk to about him, and […]